By popular demand,

_ I'd Like to Fuck

Attorney
Baby
Chicken
Debutante
Engineer
Fuck
Gangster
Hipster
Intern
Jellyfish
Kin
Log
Mom
Neighbor
Oligarch
Prelate
Quintuplets
Rabbi
Sturgeon
Tortellini
Uncle
Watermelon
Xenophobe
Yarn
Zimbabwean

Mom I'd Like to _

Acknowledege
Baby
Caress
Deny
Employ
Fuck
Greet
Hate
Inspect
Jeer
Know
Lick
Milk
Needle
Observe
Proposition
Quote
Rumble
Stereotype
Terrify
Understand
Violate
Watch
Xerox
Yelp
Zombify

I might have gotten some of these wrong, please leave any corrections in the comments and I'll update...

A: Woof
B: What?
A (emphatically): WOOF!
B (get's it now): Woof!
A: What?
...
etc.

Minutes of fun whenever you need it.

Steven can be spelled Stephen. The ph is voiced in the latter case.

Why can't we do this with any word that has a v internally?

David -> Daphid
Avarice -> Apharice
Evening -> Ephening
Love -> Lophe
Liver -> Lipher
Loaves -> Loaphes
Woven -> Wophen

etc.

Which words for letters of the alphabet are homophones or homonyms of other words, using scrabble rules and excluding self-referential words that are really just the letter (e.g. "f you!")

I've got 10 I can't find homophones for, and a few that might be bogus...input welcome.

a

eh? (canadian style - lame!)

b

be

bee

c

sea

see

d

X

e

X

f

X

g

gee

h

X

i

eye

i

Today's portmanteau is brought to you by Overcompensating.

Shame + Pride = Shmide. Apparently it tastes like bile and looks like John McCain.

Also, I have this song on repeat and I'm not turning it off until 6PM.

It's today's portmanteau word:

Specific + Particular = Spaticular

Flora is eighteen months old and has a formidable sign-language vocabulary. For example, she knows how to say hurt. She can use it as a statement - "that hurts" - and as a question - "did that hurt?".

She likes to do things to people and then ask them if it hurt. Which is either really cool or really sick. I was floored when she clawed my left eye and then asked me if it hurt.